Magnanimous

The Senate has made it possible for me to take part in the federal healthcare plan AND still get abortions every weekend! Well, sort of.

Thanks for next-to-nothing, assholes.

In kind, I want boner pill prescriptions to cum out of the pockets (full price!) of the limp and masculine creatures of our species.

On a sidenote: as a culture, we profess to hate death, but we absolutely fucking LIVE to take part in the solemn piety that comes with. I'm looking at you, Aggies. It's been 10 years since the fucking bonfire fall down go boom. MOVE ON.

Last Words

It's finally out. George Carlin's autobiography, which he began cobbling together with the help of his friend and author Tony Hendra back in 1993.

Billions

Pharma Deal with White House on Course to Net Industry Millions, excuse me BILLIONS

Goodbye and good luck.

Meanwhile, the recent healthcare plan passed by the House doesn't provide abortion coverage while my birth control pills cost $55 a month.

Anyone else see anything wrong with this picture?

Still An Idiot

This just in, Jonah Goldberg is still an idiot:

What in the fuck is he talking about even? Wonketteers attempt to translate with the usual hilarious results.

Twit

And now I'm debating the correct use of PowerPoint and the inherent and accepted misogyny of Mad Men over at the Twitter.

I do so love the instant interaction. :P

Just know that if I'm not posting regularly here, it's only because I am a lazyass who doesn't want to rub two brain cells together long enough to twat out more than 140 characters. I'm all about the one-liners, dontcha know. So yeah, check the Twit Feed, aka Squirrel Nuggets, over at the right to see what in the hell I'm ranting about at any given moment.

I'm recently begun following Stephen Fry and Simon Pegg. Bloody delightful.

I also set up a search column to capture any tweet that mentions the word "squirrel" and have found a fuckin GOLDMINE of tidbits.

Hey, it keeps the gin bottle out of my hand.

Exercise

Grrrreeeeeat. No wonder my brain is so fucking tired when I wake up. Dreams as exercise? Say it ain't so!

Revenge

On the same day the nation mourned the death of soldiers at Ft. Hood, the nation celebrated the death of another man:

JARRATT, Va. — John Allen Muhammad, the mastermind behind the sniper attacks that left 10 dead, was executed Tuesday as relatives of the victims watched, reliving the killing spree that terrorized the Washington, D.C., area for three weeks in October 2002.

State-sponsored murder. I sure hope those families can find peace now. Although they seemed a bit disappointed that he went so peacefully.

Amnesty International puts the U.S. in fourth place behind China, Iran, and Saudi Arabia by number of state-sponsored executions per year. I'm sure if we just worked a little harder at killing America could be #1.

Deliberately Misleading

Robert Enke, Germany Goalkeeper, Left Suicide Note

In a suicide note, Enke apologized to his family and the staff treating him for deliberately misleading them into believing he was better, "which was necessary in order to carry out the suicide plans"

He was struck by a train.

Like Anna Karenina.

Of course, his teammates and fans are shocked, because they didn't know about his depression. Enke was worried about losing his sport and losing his adopted daughter if his condition was made public. Depression is one of the least understood and most pooh-poohed disease. "Don't be so depressed!" people say, as if you can just switch it off.

Sorry, but "Don't Worry, Be Happy" is not a cure. It shoves people like Enke underground until they feel like they have no other option. You get in a spiral of despair and you try to fight it, but sometimes you just go down down down.

Robert Enke was a talented player who had a good chance of being Germany's top goalkeeper at next year's World Cup in South Africa who just happened to also suffer from depression.

RIP.

Morning Off

So what do I usually do with a nice morning off like the one I got coming to me tomorrow? Well, my lazy ass usually sleeps in until around 10am, then I drag said ass to the living room to watch movies and eat popcorn until I finally am FORCED by the TYRANNY of TIME to shower and make the trek in to work.

But tomorrow I'm getting up semi-early for a quick game of Old Person by going to the grocery store when no one else is there. AND I'll pick up my prescriptions on the way.

Fuck.

Closer to You

Brandi Carlile, y'all. I think I just found my new favorite female singer/songwriter.

Nightly News Roundup

Where to begin? I'll just go in the order I found 'em in.

Wexler to Resign from Congress - NOOOOOOOO! /Stephen Colbert

I mean, the dude admitted on The Colbert Report to liking prostitutes and cocaine because they were fun things to do. Yeah, you're right. Guy's too cool to be in Congress. Good luck, man.

Candy Bar or Healthful Snack? Free Choice Not as Free as We Think - Yes, we know this. "... marketers...can benefit from being aware of these effects." And now THEY know it, too. TWINKIES!!! /Woody Harrelson in Zombieland

Comfort Food: Chocolate, Water Reduce Pain Response to Heat - Eating and drinking numbs pain? You don't say. Pass the popcorn and a glass of chocolate milk.

Teenage Boys Take Less Responsibility for Reducing the Spread of Chlamydia - Really? Did we need a study for this? Take out the word "teenage" and the phrase "for reducing the spread of chlamydia." There. Perfect. Now, what the fuck are we gonna DO about it?

People Who Work After Retirement Enjoy Better Health - Fuck that shit. I don't want to live forever. I'd quit my job today if I could just squeeze another good 20 years out, with unlimited resources and the ability to do whatever the hell I wanted to do at any given moment.

Dead Calm: the movie

First of all, I knew there was a reason I've never liked Billy Zane. Secondly, Sam Neill sounds awfully effeminate with his natural Australian accent.

7 Sex Tips from Cosmo

BWWAAAAHAHAHAA! I gotta try these. *evil grin*

This seems to derive from the retarded sex myth that, physiologically, a sneeze is somehow "1/7th of an orgasm," which you may have heard in high school or from the brain trust at Yahoo! Answers. You may be tempted to ask how in the shit you would quantify 1/7th of an orgasm, but Yahoo! isn't giving up the goods on that one.

Brain trust. Thanks for the much needed laugh, Cracked.

Best Baby Halloween Costume Ever

You think that's bad? You should see the one Martha Stewart dreamed up. Pass the cranberry sauce! See them all here.

Britney Spears has sent sales of squirrel meat soaring

Goooooooood gawd almighty. Sometimes you just don't believe this shit until you read it. h/t to Douglas of enthalpy fame.

Find the Yes

Holy fuck! This actually makes sense.

I found myself reading Michael Shurtleff's Audition (I think it was recommended to me by the incomparable Colleen Wainwright after I asked her for a list of good books about acting.)

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the problem of drift, and Shurtleff made a point that has many implications for happiness:

Negatives are always written in a play and it is the actor's job to provide the positive.

This means that the no is strongly and literally written:
No, I don't want that
I want to leave
Leave me alone
I won't do what you want

It is the actor's job to see through the negative to the other side...to find the yes that is also in the scene:
What do you want?
Why are you still here, if you say you want to leave?
If you want to be left alone, why are you still having this relationship?
What do you want to do?

...

Actors must learn to remember an important thing: you [the character] always have a choice. If you really want to leave, then why are you still here having this scene with this other person? Answer that question and you [the actor] will be able to do the scene.

This strikes me as a good happiness-project approach. When you feel trapped in a negative, ask yourself the positive question, and maybe that will shed light on how to change it or at least change your mind. The reason for "no" is easy to identify and express; the answer to "yes" can be elusive and upsetting. Why aren't you trying to leave a job you hate? Why are you staying in a relationship that's making you crazy? If you don't want to do this, what do you want to do? In my own case, I can think of plenty of examples where I saw the "no" very clearly, and even enjoyed proclaiming the "no," but the "yes" proved much more of a struggle to discern.

Finished

Finished The Road last night. Wow. Like a dash of cold water on your brain.

Am reading some lit crit on McCarthy and came across this description of the character Anton Chigurh from No Country for Old Men: the devil's croupier.

Heh.

Death to Smoochy

I like to imagine that this is the real Robin Williams.

Commonsense

Seeing as how most humans these days don't have any fucking commonsense, well, we might as well try to hammer some fucking commonsense into some goddamn computers.

Science

Science is at it again! This time looking at where religious belief and disbelief meet. Fascinating.

Dejected

Well well well. Roman Polanski feels depressed and looks dejected. In jail. For raping a 13 year old. Perhaps he can just go ahead and fucking kill himself and save us all the trouble of a trial and more sad sack news articles.

And...Moving On

I started, then stopped reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road. I've picked it back up again and much to my amazement, am 2/3 of the way through. A total fucking miracle seeing as how the last book I read was...uh...let's see now....

Yeah, you get the point.

Anyhoo, I loved McCarthy's No Country for Old Men so much that I picked up a copy of The Road in a fit of brain fever at the local Barnes and Nobles. It's post-apocalyptic cum dystopic fiction, which I love. McCarthy's style is simple, almost poetic. It speaks to me. More to the point? I think he's the greatest living writer.

A movie based on The Road starring Viggo Mortensen is coming out this Fall. Just discovered that Javier Aguirresarobe (The Sea Inside) is the cinematographer and John Hillcoat (The Proposition) is the director. Dear sweet lord, at least it will LOOK good. But I doubt very seriously if these guys can pull off what the Coen Brothers did with No Country. And yet, I look forward to seeing it.

Weekend Lesson

Never rely on other people to remember or recognize that you might require their support and comfort. They will either disappoint you or just generally bore the shit out of you with their own problems.

All relationships are projection. We are merely players in each others movies.