Python

Gawddammit, Florida! I don't want your fucking gigantic Burmese pythons invading my state. We got our own slithery creatures to worry about, like rattlesnakes and water moccasins and Karl Rove.

A few startling facts about the gigantic Burmese python: fast swimmers, long-distance swimmers, eats alligators and all manner of fluffy land mammals, can develop up to 80 eggs at a time, can store sperm for later use in developing eggs, and they are FUCKING HUGE SNAKES.

Our only hope is that if this snakebeast spreads across the Southern U.S., state fairs in all affected counties will form a pact to deep fry those sumbitches and sell 'em on a really really looooong stick.

Oh and all you northerners will not be spared. Thanks to global climate change, this terror will likely spread your way:



Aaaagh! This is really freaking me the fuck out, y'all. SNAKES! Gahhhhh!

Tie

So there was that big ol' soccer (futbol!) game over in Russia this afternoon. It was Manchester United v. Chelsea, two Brit teams. The final score was 1-1, but ManU won because of how they figure in the penalties.

See? This is how American pro football should be played. No triple heart attack sudden death overtime that stretches the game out for another 3 hours. When your time is up? The fucking time is up.

C'mon, Americans. Surely we can learn something from the world's sport.

Now, on to basketball! GO SPURS GO!!!

Hooligans

I will never truly understand the mentality of these people. Guess I'm not a very tribal sort of person. I found this graf humorous, tho:

``A lot of European hooligan groups think the English are the biggest hooligans so engaging in disorder with an English fan is like getting the top dog,'' Thomas said by phone. ``The Russian hooligans seem to model themselves on the crazy days of '80s and '90s English hooliganism.''

Wow. I had no idea they definied hooliganism by decades. *rolls eyes*

Dam Brazilian Indians

Indians attack Brazil official with machetes in protest over proposed dam.

Tensions were running high at the meeting, where about 1,000 Amazon Indians met with activists to protest the proposed dam on the Xingu River. Environmentalists warn it could destroy the traditional fishing grounds of Indians living nearby and displace as many as 15,000 people.

But the dam is in the "national interest."

Speaking of the national interest, just watched a movie today, a documentary about whether or not there is a ruling class in America. Damn right there is. And they come from both sides of the fence. Interestingly enough, all these (mostly) white men deny that there is a ruling class. And rest assured, they are always looking after the "national interest." James Baker III even went so far as to admit that the reason the U.S. isn't helping with Darfur is because we have absolutely no national interests over there. Sure, America's sense of moral duty and values involve preventing genocide, but if there is no national interests at stake, why should we give a flying fuck?

So good luck, dam Brazilian Indians. With that whole dam thing.

Götterdämmiterung!

My primary reason for ever going to Germany just burned! BURNED! They let the musicians go back in to get their gabillion dollar instruments, thank Gott.

Deserted

A whole police force in Mexico has deserted a town just south of El Paso.

Living In a Car With Dogs

Where the fuck is this mom's three grown children?

I mean, I know I don't have the best relationship with my mother, but if she were suddenly homeless and sleeping in her car I think I would figure something out pretty damn quick.

Housing is a major problem, especially for people with low-end jobs or those laid off from middle class jobs. Most of their paycheck goes towards housing costs. And a lot of housing that people CAN comfortably afford is not located anywhere near their jobs. Factor the cost of gasoline into the picture and yeah, you're gonna get homelessness.

Barbara Ehrenreich, folks. If you haven't read Nickel and Dimed, you should. Things are only gonna get worse for the middle class.

Interpreted With Caution

This study is about cell phone usage by moms and how it affects their children - born and unborn. It's not until the bottom of this scary article that the scientists have this to say:

They add that there might be other possible explanations that they did not examine – such as that mothers who used the phones frequently might pay less attention to their children – and stress that the results "should be interpreted with caution" and checked by further studies. But they conclude that "if they are real they would have major public health implications".

Hmmmm. Correlation v. causation. Look it up.

I know I'm a helluva lot more irritable and stressed since I started using a cell phone. That whole feeling of not being able to really disconnect bugs the living shit out of me sometimes. But on the other hand, the cell phone has helped me easily maintain close contact with the people I love via texting and whatnot. There are tradeoffs to every technology. My bright line in the sand is gadgets that talk to me. I don't ever want to hear my toaster comment, "May I suggest the low-fat cream cheese?" because then I will have to beat it to death with a baseball bat.

Pussies

Some men can be such total pussies. They dig their feet in and refuse to do something all in the name of preserving their Masculinity. We women will groan and roll our eyes while we sit through such testosterone-laden shit flicks like Rambo or Iron Man, but it doesn't put a dent in our Femininity. Is the male ego really so delicate that it can't handle a two hour chick flick? Please.

UPDATE: Why am I picking on the male ego? Don't look at me. He started it!

Two Bad Actresses

Woody Allen. Once again going for a certain "look" over talent. Can Javier Bardem save this film? Unlikely.

Green

Gawd. I can't think of anything else right now except those green tomatoes and how much I want to fry them up and maybe put some remoulade sauce on 'em. HEAVEN ON A PLATE.

Here's a good picture of what they should look like and fabulous recipe.

*droooooooooooooool*

Day Out

Glad I bought honey at the organic farm this afternoon. At the rate these bees are disappearing, I might be forced to start putting sugar in my cup o' tea. Blech!

Me, hubby, and two of my work colleagues traveled out to (near) Brenham to visit an organic farm called Home Sweet Farm. It was very very cool. On the way up we stopped in Schulenburg to eat at the Oakridge Smokehouse. Their all you can eat buffet featured: sliced turkey, cornbread dressing, fried chicken, sausage, ribs, sauerkraut, red potatoes, sweet potatoes, canteloupe, and bread pudding. And that's just half of it! Some very interesting looking characters in there. One guy had a GREAT BIG BUSHY BEARD and a bald head. A very large woman had fire engine red curly hair piled up on her head. Everyone eating in near total silence. It was fabulous.

Anyhoo... when we arrived at the farm all kinds of granola-ish folks were there, buying lamb and chicken and soap and veggies and whatnot. Oh! And fresh goat cheese. Their slogan was "spoiled goats, fresh cheese!" and they had a little goat in a baby playpen for the kids to pet. Ha! Surprised the goat didn't eat the playpen.

We got a free farm tour, where farmer Brad showed us around and talked about rotating crops, drip irrigation, letting the ducks and chickens handle pest control, and all kinds of neat farm stuff. Now I come from a long line of farmers and had one uncle who farmed near my hometown. I spent summers hiding in corn rows and helping him sort tomatoes and wash turnip greens (which featured those big ol' snap beetles) and shell peas and all kinds of things. So being on a farm didn't bother me in the least and we all enjoyed ourselves immensely, seeing that half of our merry band had read/listened to The Omnivore's Dilemma and believe greatly in the organic small farm. But one lady got a bug up her ass and seemed more intent on nailing Brad's organic balls to the wall for using a GASOLINE engine for his one piece of mechanized farm equipment. Hey, bitch. It's an organic farm, not a zero carbon footprint farm! Here's an organic heirloom cucumber. Shove it up your ass already.

So this farm is a CSA - community supported agriculture - and you can join it for a yearly fee and come collect your fresh veggies and eggs each week. There are quite a few of them in Texas now. Oh man, and did they have some pretty chickens! And the green tomatoes. Oh. I have a hard time keeping my grubby paws off those. I told Brad I would sneak back out at night with my Coleman stove and fry all his green tomatoes. Unfortunately, I think his geese would totes blow my cover. Regular little burglar alarms, those geese.

Much like Joel Salatin, Brad moves the chickens and their roost shed around the property so they can feast on and fertilize various fields. Same with the horses. Ducks and geese are also very good at eating the bugs, keeping the weeds down, and fertilizing. Self sustaining. Also, it's very important to let a basic weed patch of some kind grow -- that way the grasshoppers have something else to feast on besides all those delicious veggies. He's got a large variety of veggies, up to 10 different tomatoes, so his drip irrigation is regulated with valves at the end of each row. Some need a little more, some need less.

The drive was a couple of hours and and the scenery was wonderful. Farm roads are so endearing when you ain't particularly in a hurry to get somewhere. All the trees and grass are green and lush this time of year, all the hay's been cut and rolled, and the corn is getting high. On the way back home, we stopped at the Texas One Step gas station/food pantry where the manager was handing out free samples of Texas wine. Nothing like local wine, Cappy's Hot Fries, and peanut brittle to end a beautiful day out in Texas. Beautiful.

Ants Invade Houston

Douglas! Hey, Douglas of enthalpy! WTF is up with this ant situation? The article says the ants are eating computers. Think the geniuses at Texas A&M can save us from these voracious "crazy rasberries?"

For the Boys

OK, I have to balance out that Soccer God picture with one for the boys. ;P

I won't say who she is, and those who do know who she is, well... haha

There's no shame in enjoying in a beautiful picture. So go ahead! Enjoy.

Butts in Butter

Peggy Noonan misses Ronald Reagan somethin' fierce. Just look at the harsh sentences she has for today's Republicans!

And they speak that language because they are marketers, not thinkers. Not serious about policy. Not serious about ideas. And not serious about leadership, only followership.

They have scandals, bad personalities, don't stand for anything. That's why Republicans are losing: because they're losers.

Ouch. And then she has something about them winding up with their "butts in butter." I've never heard this particular turn of phrase before. Does anybody know what the hell it means?

HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL

I just found The Soccer God.



I don't know who he is, but I wish all the teams would move towards this type of uniform. Female viewership and stadium attendance would go through the fucking ROOF.

UPDATE: He's a Brazilian model. I usually don't like these pretty boys, but there's something about him that's makes me momentarily swallow my tongue.

The Crowd I Run With

Cool. SayItWithWookies, a Wonkette commenter, was quoted in the Washington Post. This is the crowd I run with. Cool.

Ready to Dance

I've rather come to enjoy soccer. Quick games, no commercials, no statistics, and totally fucking hot men. h/t to Victor of Argville fame for the linkup!

THANK YOU, MARIE COCCO

For your opinion piece in the WaPo, "Misogyny I Won't Miss."

I will admit that I was shocked (shocked that I was shocked, actually) to read about Ken Rudin (NPR!) and Andrew Sullivan (GAY!) compare Hillary Clinton to Glenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction. Never mind how the director's cut ended that movie. Let's just say Michael Douglas doesn't get off the hook at the end.

Cocco's last grafs hit it home:

Most of all, I will not miss the silence.

I will not miss the deafening, depressing silence of Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean or other leading Democrats, who to my knowledge (with the exception of Sen. Barbara Mikulski of Maryland) haven't publicly uttered a word of outrage at the unrelenting, sex-based hate that has been hurled at a former first lady and two-term senator from New York. Among those holding their tongues are hundreds of Democrats for whom Clinton has campaigned and raised millions of dollars. Don Imus endured more public ire from the political class when he insulted the Rutgers University women's basketball team.

Would the silence prevail if Obama's likeness were put on a tap-dancing doll that was sold at airports? Would the media figures who dole out precious face time to these politicians be such pals if they'd compared Obama with a character in a blaxploitation film? And how would crude references to Obama's sex organs play?

There are many reasons Clinton is losing the nomination contest, some having to do with her strategic mistakes, others with the groundswell for "change." But for all Clinton's political blemishes, the darker stain that has been exposed is the hatred of women that is accepted as a part of our culture.

I'm pretty fucking tired of the silence, too.

Oral-Anal

Wow. Minnesota politics are pretty damn exciting! And by exciting, I mean sexually. Read on...IF YOU DARE. That picture is priceless. Haahahaaa. Fav comment so far is from ManchuCandidate:

The Minnesota Family Council also wants a ban on those oversized wooden salad utensils to prevent salad tossing.

My next door neighboor used to have some of those. Used to tell all us kids that GIANTS lived under the house.

UPDATE: My new fav comment comes from SayItWithWookies:

Wow -- and I thought Minnesota sex ed consisted of watching March of the Penguins, which contains everything most straitlaced parents want their kids to know -- sex is brief, looks ridiculous, and as Morgan Freemans says, "Alas, some may die." The end.

Some may die, indeed.