Morning Off

So what do I usually do with a nice morning off like the one I got coming to me tomorrow? Well, my lazy ass usually sleeps in until around 10am, then I drag said ass to the living room to watch movies and eat popcorn until I finally am FORCED by the TYRANNY of TIME to shower and make the trek in to work.

But tomorrow I'm getting up semi-early for a quick game of Old Person by going to the grocery store when no one else is there. AND I'll pick up my prescriptions on the way.

Fuck.

Closer to You

Brandi Carlile, y'all. I think I just found my new favorite female singer/songwriter.

Nightly News Roundup

Where to begin? I'll just go in the order I found 'em in.

Wexler to Resign from Congress - NOOOOOOOO! /Stephen Colbert

I mean, the dude admitted on The Colbert Report to liking prostitutes and cocaine because they were fun things to do. Yeah, you're right. Guy's too cool to be in Congress. Good luck, man.

Candy Bar or Healthful Snack? Free Choice Not as Free as We Think - Yes, we know this. "... marketers...can benefit from being aware of these effects." And now THEY know it, too. TWINKIES!!! /Woody Harrelson in Zombieland

Comfort Food: Chocolate, Water Reduce Pain Response to Heat - Eating and drinking numbs pain? You don't say. Pass the popcorn and a glass of chocolate milk.

Teenage Boys Take Less Responsibility for Reducing the Spread of Chlamydia - Really? Did we need a study for this? Take out the word "teenage" and the phrase "for reducing the spread of chlamydia." There. Perfect. Now, what the fuck are we gonna DO about it?

People Who Work After Retirement Enjoy Better Health - Fuck that shit. I don't want to live forever. I'd quit my job today if I could just squeeze another good 20 years out, with unlimited resources and the ability to do whatever the hell I wanted to do at any given moment.

Dead Calm: the movie

First of all, I knew there was a reason I've never liked Billy Zane. Secondly, Sam Neill sounds awfully effeminate with his natural Australian accent.

7 Sex Tips from Cosmo

BWWAAAAHAHAHAA! I gotta try these. *evil grin*

This seems to derive from the retarded sex myth that, physiologically, a sneeze is somehow "1/7th of an orgasm," which you may have heard in high school or from the brain trust at Yahoo! Answers. You may be tempted to ask how in the shit you would quantify 1/7th of an orgasm, but Yahoo! isn't giving up the goods on that one.

Brain trust. Thanks for the much needed laugh, Cracked.

Best Baby Halloween Costume Ever

You think that's bad? You should see the one Martha Stewart dreamed up. Pass the cranberry sauce! See them all here.

Britney Spears has sent sales of squirrel meat soaring

Goooooooood gawd almighty. Sometimes you just don't believe this shit until you read it. h/t to Douglas of enthalpy fame.

Find the Yes

Holy fuck! This actually makes sense.

I found myself reading Michael Shurtleff's Audition (I think it was recommended to me by the incomparable Colleen Wainwright after I asked her for a list of good books about acting.)

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the problem of drift, and Shurtleff made a point that has many implications for happiness:

Negatives are always written in a play and it is the actor's job to provide the positive.

This means that the no is strongly and literally written:
No, I don't want that
I want to leave
Leave me alone
I won't do what you want

It is the actor's job to see through the negative to the other side...to find the yes that is also in the scene:
What do you want?
Why are you still here, if you say you want to leave?
If you want to be left alone, why are you still having this relationship?
What do you want to do?

...

Actors must learn to remember an important thing: you [the character] always have a choice. If you really want to leave, then why are you still here having this scene with this other person? Answer that question and you [the actor] will be able to do the scene.

This strikes me as a good happiness-project approach. When you feel trapped in a negative, ask yourself the positive question, and maybe that will shed light on how to change it or at least change your mind. The reason for "no" is easy to identify and express; the answer to "yes" can be elusive and upsetting. Why aren't you trying to leave a job you hate? Why are you staying in a relationship that's making you crazy? If you don't want to do this, what do you want to do? In my own case, I can think of plenty of examples where I saw the "no" very clearly, and even enjoyed proclaiming the "no," but the "yes" proved much more of a struggle to discern.

Finished

Finished The Road last night. Wow. Like a dash of cold water on your brain.

Am reading some lit crit on McCarthy and came across this description of the character Anton Chigurh from No Country for Old Men: the devil's croupier.

Heh.

Death to Smoochy

I like to imagine that this is the real Robin Williams.

Commonsense

Seeing as how most humans these days don't have any fucking commonsense, well, we might as well try to hammer some fucking commonsense into some goddamn computers.

Science

Science is at it again! This time looking at where religious belief and disbelief meet. Fascinating.

Dejected

Well well well. Roman Polanski feels depressed and looks dejected. In jail. For raping a 13 year old. Perhaps he can just go ahead and fucking kill himself and save us all the trouble of a trial and more sad sack news articles.

And...Moving On

I started, then stopped reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road. I've picked it back up again and much to my amazement, am 2/3 of the way through. A total fucking miracle seeing as how the last book I read was...uh...let's see now....

Yeah, you get the point.

Anyhoo, I loved McCarthy's No Country for Old Men so much that I picked up a copy of The Road in a fit of brain fever at the local Barnes and Nobles. It's post-apocalyptic cum dystopic fiction, which I love. McCarthy's style is simple, almost poetic. It speaks to me. More to the point? I think he's the greatest living writer.

A movie based on The Road starring Viggo Mortensen is coming out this Fall. Just discovered that Javier Aguirresarobe (The Sea Inside) is the cinematographer and John Hillcoat (The Proposition) is the director. Dear sweet lord, at least it will LOOK good. But I doubt very seriously if these guys can pull off what the Coen Brothers did with No Country. And yet, I look forward to seeing it.

Weekend Lesson

Never rely on other people to remember or recognize that you might require their support and comfort. They will either disappoint you or just generally bore the shit out of you with their own problems.

All relationships are projection. We are merely players in each others movies.

More Distractions, Please

I wish I could put my fucking brain in a fucking jar for the fucking weekend. Instead, I stuff myself with spaghetti until I can barely breathe (science sez you can't think about shit while you're eating - sort of like a shark closing his eyes when he bites something?) and then I force myself to get up and go lumber around at some event where I can distract myself from other shit.

I'm staying out late and getting drunk. I'll find that fucking off switch yet.

The Sea

3,300

Holy crap! That last post about cocks at Hobby Lobby was the 3,300th post for me on this here blog right here. I'm a wordy sonuvabitch, ain't I?

So anyway, I'm addicted to Twitter. Specifically, the little search column I have set up to find tweets which mention the word "library." I love re-tweeting (RT) these little nuggets of life from complete strangers, of course adding my own brand of aggressive, off-color commentary. I find it to be a great stress reliever, although from time to time (like today) I do feel a little bit mean and slightly sorry about it.

So over there on the right-hand side, under the appropriately named section "Squirrel Nuggets," I've re-installed the Twitter thingamabob. For those who hate Twitter? Sorry. I willingly give myself over to the siren song of one-liners and 140 character long pearls of wise-assery. And until there's a 12 step group that serves gin and beef jerky, I'm sticking with this noxious little new-found hobby.

And what about these cocks?

Hobby Lobby is virtually overrun with pictures of 'em.

Hobby Lobby

I generally eschew craft stores, seeing how the ripe smell of women who enjoy handicrafts makes me nauseous. BUT I went into Hobby Lobby today in search of a lamp for my office. A cheap pole lamp. Alas, no cheap pole lamps were to be had, but I did find these items!

I've half a mind to buy this for my office and use it as a daily "To Do" list.

My deep abiding penchant for this red leopard print lamp would seem to indicate that I once inhabited a bordello.

Along with my love of all things feathered.

The juxtaposition of Halloween & Christmas is delightful. It's like Little Italy & Chinatown sharing a street. I wallow in the cognitive dissonance which is caused by dismembered ghoul arms on one aisle followed by Christ in a creche on the next aisle.

So on the first item - I notice that Hobby Lobby is fairly Christ-oriented. Lots of plaques praising the Lord and whatnot. For people giving all the glory to God, they sure are suckling at the teat of Mammon by spending their hard-earned checks on cheap crap made by godless Chinese heathens to hang on their walls.